 Top Five Tips For Suicide
Few days back I saw blood drops all over the vast staircase of the metro, and came to know that a 21 year old, had committed suicide. The striking incidents of repeated suicides among the youth inspire me to write a few tips for the ‘kids’ feeling suicide, assisting them for a healthier suicide. If you get angry for calling you a kid, come again, to prove that you are not. In fact, your suicidal thoughts or the tendency of feeling suicidal testify to it.
- Do your parents bully you all the time? Ask you to keep your room tidy and do your homework? Do they often frown at your Tom Cruise hairstyle or micro mini hot pants? These are glaring signs that they neither love you, nor care for you, who knows, whether they are planning to kill you in near future or not? Better go for suicide, it would definitely be a better and decent choice.
- Suffering from a hangover of recent breakup or screwed up relationship? You are right, things won’t be mended ever, and life won’t change. Suicide remains the only option. Better take the chance, at least your former ex will shed tears and remain silent in bereavement for a complete two minutes, unless and until their cell phone rings.
- Failed in the exam? Thrown out of college? Screwed up in the Math paper? Friends got higher marks? Buck up, to solve this puzzle. Failure in Math + No Hope Next Year =? Here is the clue for the answer, it starts with ‘S’ only.
- Is your Boss biased? Worst rivals are promoted? Couldn’t meet your deadline? This time opt for sleeping pills. By hook or crook if you don’t die, at least it leaves you with a peaceful and much desired slumber after a long time.
- No friends around? Even have to dance alone at the party? Really you are the unluckiest person in the whole universe and must have bad odor definitely. Yes, right, suicide is very useful in this sort of mental trauma. Make sure to put some deodorant on, prior to your suicidal thoughts.
Extra tips for suicide
- Apart from all these valid reasons, there are other ordeals in your life, inspiring suicidal thoughts, like traffic jams, viral fevers, toothaches, sudden fall at a public place. For all these melancholic reasons, instead of dying of shame you better die in reality, and if the reason is driving you insane, I have full sympathy for you and guarantee you this time, that you will have a sure trip to heaven after suicide.
A study of WHO (World Health Organization) claims that in 2020, at least 1.53 million will die from suicide all over the world and ten to twenty times more people will attempt it, leaving us with, one demise every twenty seconds. If you have an even better and innovative reasons for suicide please let us know in Mystic Wellbeing Forum, special prizes are offered here including rat poison and hanging ropes for the best suicide mongers.
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